Monday, October 14, 2013

Self Publishing Roundtable Parody

Earlier I brought you a parody of the Story Telling Podcast.  Now here's a parody of the Self Publishing Roundtable.  Enjoy!

"Welcome to the Writers Roundtable," Charles Sinclair said, in his krikey be damned Aussie accent.  "The show that's a parody of a parody that features a co host of one of the shows we're parodying."
"Watch it Charles, you're going to confuse our listeners," Cristy Ross replied.
"I thought we'd made all our listeners into co hosts already," Don Ward To The Wise added.
"Has anyone noticed that this show is just one big clusterfuck?" Wade Fineagain asked.
"Yeah.  Except without the fucking," Charles said.
"That'll come later in the post show party which I'll be too busy ranting about organized religion to take part in," David W. Wrong joked.
"Hey Bill, you're awfully quiet over there.  Aren't you going to say anything?" Don asked.
"You can't make me talk.  This isn't Toastmasters International," Bill Prowess said.
"Alright, why don't we get on topic before this train derails any further and the government notices I'm podcasting on the job," Charles insisted.
"Oh come on.  We don't do topics on this show.  We just make random sex jokes and read internet comments responding to the sex jokes we just made," Wade remarked.
"Bill, do you have anything to say about that?" Don asked.
Bill pulled his head out of the clouds.  "Oh sorry.  I was too caught up reading the internet comments  to listen to what you were saying."
"By the way, is  there anything good in the comments?" Cristy wondered.
"Why would there be?  Human beings should die in a bonfire of their own ineptitude," Dave ranted.      
"Does anyone else think that Dave would make a great high school guidance counselor?" Wade joked.
"I hate you all," Dave muttered to himself.
"You know, if we're going to be wasting each others time, I could go back to writing one of the fifteen books I've been working on," Charles said.
"By the way, are you any closer to publishing any of them?" Don asked.
"Perfection takes time," Charles insisted.
"But I thought you were writing dinosaur erotica," Bill blurted out.
Everyone in the roundtable laughed except Charles, who instead looked quizzically at Bill.
"Why would you think that?" Charles asked.
"Well, that's what they're saying on the comments," Bill replied.
"Can we all stop paying attention to the internet comments please?" Charles urged.  Charles then looked at a comment himself and got excited.   "Oooh, one of the commenters thinks I have a sexy accent."  Charles began typing.   "How about some thunder down under?"
"Can someone please save this show?" Christy asked.
"Humanity can't be saved.  We're all just headed on a downward spiral to disaster," Dave grumbled.
Don shook his head.  "I feel like I'm trapped in a David Wrong/Jon Platt book."
"That doesn't make sense.  There aren't any children in jeopardy," Wade said.
"And I'm not screaming at my screen over a damn cliffhanger ending," Cristy added.
"Not to mention they're just so fucking bleak.  It makes the apocalypse look like a field trip to the zoo," Don said.
"I used to hate field trips.  They were just another excuse to have to use my decoy wallet.  Now the apocalypse, now that's something to look forward to," Dave said.
"Great.  Dave has a boner for the apocalypse.  Go figure," Charles deadpanned.  
The roundtable then noticed they hadn't heard from Bill in a while.  
"Wait.  Did anyone see where Bill went?" Wade wondered, not seeing him onscreen anywhere.
"I think Bill decided to go start training for another marathon," Don said.
"Well, he's not missing anything," Wade replied.
"Actually, I think this is one of our better shows," Cristy pointed out.
"I feel sorry for our listeners.  I'll be giving out free lobotomy's after the show," Dave insisted.  
Charles then tried to corral the group.  "Alright, does anyone want to do any talking about writing?"
Everyone just shrugged their shoulders though.
"I don't know, it's getting kind of late.  I have kids to edumacate at school tomorrow," Wade said.
"Yeah.  Besides, I can't think of any more dick jokes to make," Don added.
Dave put the final nail in the coffin though.  "Let's just put this show out of its misery.  I have some finger lickers to rant about on another show I'm co hosting," Dave said.  
The End.

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